sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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