Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
