I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
