the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize