I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
