remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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