I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
