spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
