I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
