he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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