WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
