Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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