I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
