It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize