Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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