i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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