I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
