Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sober January is a disaster.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He passed out mid-signature
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
