Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize