thus making me awesome and them whores
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
