I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
