I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
