TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
