ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
