Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
false alarm, still single
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