Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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