she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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