don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
