She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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