I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
