I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
