dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
