Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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