i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
