I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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