I think I won the penis lottery.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize