i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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