u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
