Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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