Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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