I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
