Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
