It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
