I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
