hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are a genius and a whore.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize