he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
