I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
