I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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