People in love make me want to vomit
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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