And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
