my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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