9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
