Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
