apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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