I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
