Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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