my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
