Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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