did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
