dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
