Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
