id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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