I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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