I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
