Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
