My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
