Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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