Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
