I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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