My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
