I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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