you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
