Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize