he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
