We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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