she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
