i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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