i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
