10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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