After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
