I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
