I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize