Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want to be your penis for a week.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
