She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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