Sober January is a disaster.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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