i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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