I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
