Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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