I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
