All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
