In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize