I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
