I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
