Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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