She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Randomize
