I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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