you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
