see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
