You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
